Patience is a virtue

It's so funny because I have always thought of myself as a patient person. I think that is why a lot of people told me that I would be a good mom before I had kids. I, like most parents-to-be, thought I had kids mostly figured out. I had a lot of experience on my side:

- I am the oldest of 4 kids - babysitting, changing diapers, and helping around the house was expected of me.

- I worked at a school for 2 years in high school during an after-school program

- I had babysat for years and had experienced everything from giving CPR to a boy who had the wind knocked out of him, to figuring out what to do with a girl that had a concussion (thankfully she fell down BEFORE I started babysitting - parents thought she was fine).

- I was an elementry school teacher before staying home.

So hey, looks like a pretty good mom resume right???? I was so wrong. I guess staying at home can be a little more trying of the patience, especially since it seems that kids know how to push their parents buttons. They are always perfect angels for everyone else, so people sometimes think I'm crazy when I say that my kids are being bad, but it's true.

Here are a few things I've learned about my kids(and this is very different for every child):

Repeating things, even if they know that they will NEVER get their way repeating must be something that must be built into their nature. I feel that I am a parent that doesn't give into their child's requests all the time, but even though I stand strong - the constant repetative asking: "mom can I play games?" (and this means video games) NEVER ENDS!!!! It helps that he knows that he can only play them on the weekend, but now it's a constant reminder of the weekend...uh.

Selective hearing, I can tell my kids not to do something and they will continue to try it until I snap them back into my reality. Like today, even though Connor knows he shouldn't be climbing into the front seat, or stepping over the seats when getting into the car - he still does it, even after I ask him, in a normal voice, not to. I literally felt my throught cringe in pain because I yelled "don't get in the car that way!" so loud (see...not very patient!). He snapped out of his selective hearing, and got right out.

Protecting what's yours, this is how I explain my children's violence... I don't think my kids are mean, and I don't know how they even learn to hit...guess I should google it...but I feel that kids are so small that they feel like they have to protect what they have going on, or think they should have going on. Of course they always think they should have the toy that the brother has, and that's where the hitting comes into play. Or maybe they just want to bother the other. I don't know.

Not Patient, 4 year olds are just starting to learn patience, but when you think that they are becoming more patient - they start to repeat things like "when are we going" "when can I play games"...at least they are not like a 1 year old that wants something NOW and there's no compromise, or they'll throw a fit. Connor grew out of the fit stage pretty quickly since I didn't give into his fits, so I'm hoping the same thing with Aaron, but it makes for some embarrassing shopping trips when you have a screaming child sometimes that is not getting his way.

So here are just a couple examples where patience is sometimes so hard to have.

When my patience runs out my solutions are:

Break Down - I don't try to do this too often, since my kids might think I'm "crying wolf" with them, but I did it yesterday I asked Connor why he would just sit at the table to finish dinner with us, and I threw on the waterworks. He sat down and said, "Ok mom, I'll make you happy".

Repeat until they get it - Usually this is accompanied by my voice getting louder (like today in the car).

Take a break - AWAY FROM ME! The key is to get some space so I don't lose my cool with them. Usually if I'm really at the end I make them sit on their bed, and that ends with them falling asleep - wow - maybe they were tired!!

Ignore it - Usually done out of necessity if we're out and I have to get that gallon of milk. Sometimes they beg or want something while we're in a store, and I just have to get through it - especially with the 1 year old - and know I will get out of everyone's life as soon as I can be. Connor knows now that he can request things for the next time he will get presents.

Distraction - Sometimes if my kids want something I can find something else that will make them happy too. Especially if they can do it with me. Connor wanted to go swimming just now, and has asked a bunch of times, finally I told him that we will have movie night tonight with the family instead, and I think I de-railed a situation that could have been frustrating for us both. This works for toy fights too. Just act like another toy is better, and the other is happy...it sometimes backfires though since they might both want the next toy!

I know that I don't do everything right, and I'm not infinately patient, but I really try to do what's best for my kids, even if it's not textbook right. I've also a new appreciation for other parents who are going through this! It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.